You Are Not Alone

I have a lot of thoughts about last nights message at the Thread but rather than focus on them I wanted to say this because I think it needs to be said and it needs to be said often.

You are not alone.

I know that seems like an odd way to start but really, you are NOT alone.

I want to say this because I wonder how many people feel completely and utterly alone in their faith. I wonder how many people feel that they can’t be part of a church because their brand of faith is a little different, they worship a little differently, they think differently, they connect the dots differently, they have doubts that overwhelm them, and questions that they can not answer.

I wonder how many people, in churches today feel like they’ve been backed into a corner where they feel like they’re being told “If you’re not for us, you’re against us.” I wonder how many people have thought and are thinking “well, if that’s the case, then I guess I don’t belong… I guess I’m alone.”

I can not tell you how much I hurt for people in those situations and how much I feel for them because I was one of them and on certain days, I am still one of them.

Often throughout my life I have felt like there are normal Christians here on the planet Earth, who all worship the same and their faiths look the same… and then there is me, way out by myself on Pluto, which isn’t even a planet and I have a third eye and green skin! It’s not that my faith is way off base but rather it’s like a maze. We’ll both get to the same end but we’ll take different ways to get there. We’ll connect the dots differently.

And I want to say, that’s good! We’re not meant to think the same! We’re supposed to be different! But even as I say that I know it won’t fully lessen the burden someone carries when they think they are the only one, when they feel the wrenching pain of loneliness.

So I think about my own life and how it is that I have such a deep seeded loneliness in me. Where did this come from, and how can I dig out of it?

I certainly don’t want to appear to be bashing the church or it’s inhabitants but I feel that a lot of the time when something is meaningful to one person, they assume that it should be meaningful to all people. Understand I am not talking about biblical principles which should be meaningful to all. I am talking about the person who God convicted to stop drinking soda, who then took it as a mandate that everyone should stop drinking soda, who then proceeds to tell everyone that if they want to please God they should also stop drinking soda. (Obviously, I made this example up. You can replace “drinking soda” with anything… who God convicted to stop listening to a certain band, or who God convicted to give money to a certain charity… take your pick.) Just because something is meaningful to one person doesn’t mean it will be as meaningful to someone else. We need to remember that people are different. If it so happens that it’s not as meaningful to them then we should stop trying to force it on them.

When we force our purposes onto people and make it seem like unless they get meaning out of it also they are not as “righteous” as us, we are burying the seeds of loneliness deeper in them.

When we refuse to listen to someone to the end of their conclusion, we are burying the seeds of loneliness deeper in them.

When we don’t even attempt to understand someone’s way of doing it, we are burying the seeds of loneliness deeper in them.

When we constantly try to get people to think the same way as us, and agree with us and our conclusions with no regard to how they feel, we are burying the seeds of loneliness deeper and deeper.

Let me tell you what loneliness will do to a person, the deep seeded loneliness I’m speaking of.

Loneliness causes people to not want to open up. It makes them highly insecure because when you look around you think “Gosh, I’m the only one who thinks like this. I must be wrong! I just won’t say anything…. I’ll just keep my mouth shut and I’ll just keep smiling.” And the more you stay quiet, the less you say, makes that third eye you think you have stick out even more, and it makes you think your skin turned a shade greener.

When loneliness keeps you from speaking there is no such thing as community or fellowship to you. You feel alone everywhere. In the middle of a crowded Sunday morning service you feel alone. In a bible study, you feel alone. Loneliness causes people to turn their back not only on the church but also on God because unfortunately many think that they go hand in hand and if they don’t fit in the church, they don’t fit with God either.

Let me just say that I have been there, and sometimes I am still there. I still wrestle with the idea of what a “good” Christian is suppose to look like. I still struggle daily with telling people what I’m really thinking, what I’m really feeling, and about the doubts that sometimes overwhelm me and I still struggle with this because I have been hurt in the past and I can not feel that pain again. I struggle with being able to trust people with who I really am because I can not feel the pain of isolation from the church again.

I don’t have some magical formula for not feeling loneliness (although I wish I did.) All I can say is pray that God will direct you to others that you can be open and vulnerable with, who will not only value your opinions and treat them with respect but who will also love and care for you, the real you, the three eyed, green skin you.

So I’ll end with this that

You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.

These four words are balm for the lonely heart and when you see that it is true, these words will heal and bring peace, comfort, community, and trust.

At least, they have for me.