This isn't a surprise....

I had resolved to somehow slyly ignore last nights sermon at the thread. (See Matthew 5:21-26, and Romans 12:18) I figured I’m a pretty clever person, I can somehow justify not making things right with ________. I thought I’ll just get really busy and let it slip from my immediate memory into the back recesses of my mind. I thought eventually this gripping feeling, this gripping thought will fade and it won’t “bother” me anymore.

Well it just so ends up and this isn’t a surprise but God is bigger then my cleverness. I felt such an unrest in my heart at the thought of not making it right with this person that I had too. That’s a weird feeling. Feeling that unless you do something you won’t feel right inside but then at the same time feeling that you have nothing in your own power that would compel you to do so. Sometimes I find myself in these types of situations and I pray “God, I don’t want this. My flesh doesn’t want this. The sinner in me wants to keep wallowing in self-pity and bitterness….but I know you want it and so I want it.”

Even after praying that I felt so upset at the thought of calling ________ and asking for forgiveness for the bitterness and ill-will that I harbored toward this person that I started getting sick to my stomach just at the mere thought. (Which I reasoned that I could use as an excuse to not call because well, you just don’t want to be on the phone asking for forgiveness from someone and end up throwing up. Right? But again, God’s bigger then my cleverness and excuses. )

So in the middle of my wrestling match with what I knew I needed to do and what I wanted to do I called my friend Kristin who reminded me that sometimes following Jesus isn‘t easy. If it were then everyone would do it. She then prayed for me and as soon as I hung up the phone I promptly picked it back up and started dialing __________.

I won’t lie and say this was easy. It was not. I was scared making that call. Because the person I was calling had hurt me repeatedly in the past and was no longer in my life at all. It was as if I was reaching my hand out with my apology in it and I was fairly certain it was going to be cut off. From what I knew of this person, this person in the past would have cut my hand off and then turned and slapped me in the face with it.

And this also should be no surprise but God is good.

Because I made the call. I left the message and I meant it. I don’t know where that came from but somewhere God reached in and gave me that want, gave me that desire to really love and care for this person whom prior to this I had not loved and cared for in a long time. If it stopped there that would be enough. I fulfilled Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

It doesn’t stop there, this person turned and responded and asked for my forgiveness also. I don’t know how this will play out now but I know that I felt healing and peace about a situation that I hadn’t for a long time.

But I’m still left wondering- what if I had left that feeling unattended? What if I had not acted on Romans 12:18? What state would that leave me in? What state would that leave my heart in? Where do we get when we actively ignore the Holy Spirit’s movement in our lives? I worry that when we ignore that movement we are turning to walk down a road we should not walk on.

So I want to encourage you if you felt that feeling, if you had that thought of “I have to make this right…” please don’t ignore it. I can’t say that your story will turn out like mine. I can’t say that it’ll be easy but I can say that God will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

And that’s enough.